In my head & other thoughts

“I have 99 problems and 86 are completely made up scenarios in my head that i am stressing about for no logical reason.”

If you were in my head just for a day you may say you were so confused. Thats is exactly how I feel. Although i talk about physical medical issues you cannot forget the mental ones either. Usually I wake up and reply to my snapchats. I have this one great friend I snapchat all day everyday so i usually snapchat her first even if I don’t need to reply to hers. The majority of the time she responds pretty quickly. So, we snapchat back and forth for most of the morning. But what happens when suddenly the snaps stop coming? My brain goes into full blown panic mode..
She hates me. What did I say? Did i do something wrong?

So I send 3 more snapchats and maybe texts.

Oh shoot now she may think I am clingy. I want to take them back. I shouldn’t have sent those.

Now I will probably send a sorry for bothering you text and a sorry for so many sorries text. Then I wait well not really I will just sit there as I think of all the things I possibly could have done and in the midst ill constantly be checking my phone.

You can find me on the couch with a device in my hand on most days. I am quietly doing something while also thinking about life. I mean not just basic life stuff like deep thoughts and stuff. It gets so bad by the end of the day I realize I got nothing accomplished and all I did was think myself into a bad mood. Like how is that possible?

It’s like there is an angel and devil in my head. I want to avoid all these thoughts that make me overthink but another side of my obviously doesn't. No matter what I do I am being pulled in 2 different directions wanting to tell people about what i (say,believe,think etc) but somehow the complete opposite occurs I say stuff that's not me.

Does this even make any sense to you? Even writing this I have a million things in my head. This is why I disappoint myself. I have all these grand ideas for blog posts but my brain is unable to complete them how I want them to be. So many are left as drafts and unpublished.

Well I suppose that is it! all i got for today

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2 thoughts on “In my head & other thoughts

  1. I do recognize some of the stuff you mention from when I was your age, especially this “why does she not answer, what have I said”, while most probably she just couldn’t answer for other completely harmless reasons. Or this “oh, God, why did I just say this, I don’t mean that at all”. It will get better, rest assured.

    Most of us have these two voices in us. We need to decide to which one we want to listen. Sounds easy, which it isn’t, but it is true, and we have the power to make that decision. Anxiety/fear is our worst enemy and blocks our development as human beings.

    Like

    1. thanks for sharing. Its expecially important to know this since its hard to feel like your the only one. When in reality, others may be going through the same thing or in your case have gone through 🙂 Greatly appreciate the support and comments lately 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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